Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
