Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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