All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
