Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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