I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
this just has baby written all over it
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
