I just made out with a guy for $7.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
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despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
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you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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