She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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