We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
