Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(330): View more from Ohio

I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.

(651): View more from Minnesota

That baby is bound to be under-loved.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year

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(203): View more from Connecticut

What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?

Fav 57 4444 2012
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(513): View more from Ohio

she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."

Fav 34 5735 1708
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(720): View more from Colorado

I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis

Fav 22 6074 1269
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(618): View more from Illinois

So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?

Fav 3 2051 1381
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(317): View more from Indiana

I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given

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(951): View more from California

Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening

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