soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
