I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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