At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
