Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Are we still banned from the library?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
