chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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