The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
