i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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