Your tits are I can't wait for
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
