Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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