Buhtt sex?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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