I like my sex mixed with concussions.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
