He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
