sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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