Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
