Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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