he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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