Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
