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this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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