STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
so much tequila, so little girl.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
