ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
