Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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