just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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