I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
