EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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