just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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