wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I deserve this hangover.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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