i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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