She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
