I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
