i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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