Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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