she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
