yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
