So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
