I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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