So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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