Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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