please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
