dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
