I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
