Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
