My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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