I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
