hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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