i love accidental penises.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize