i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Less talking, more tequila
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Someone signed my nipple.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
