I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Mom said you looked used
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
