So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
