remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize
