dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
