You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
