She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
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I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
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Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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