i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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