She is in my trunk
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Randomize
