I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
