and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Randomize
