Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
