i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
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As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
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I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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