so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
