He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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