..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
