I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
