You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Is it penis luge time yet?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
