The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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