I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
