dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Randomize
