i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
