If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
