I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Randomize
