i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
