on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
