You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
