you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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