he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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