I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
