Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times. http://tfl.nu/xlrm
  Replies (6) Good night (1381) Bad night (492)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm. http://tfl.nu/14tt
  Replies (23) Good night (3391) Bad night (762)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog. http://tfl.nu/c9by
  Replies (29) Good night (2344) Bad night (5048)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex. http://tfl.nu/exbo
  Replies (24) Good night (4283) Bad night (1102)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen." http://tfl.nu/c7q3
  Replies (32) Good night (9544) Bad night (1019)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment. http://tfl.nu/bcax
  Replies (8) Good night (2810) Bad night (993)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.' http://tfl.nu/vhcz
  Replies (5) Good night (2686) Bad night (1677)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose. http://tfl.nu/x4y6
  Replies (7) Good night (1087) Bad night (1703)
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired. http://tfl.nu/ogws
  Replies (27) Good night (2934) Bad night (787)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning http://tfl.nu/fy90
  Replies (10) Good night (676) Bad night (1182)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures. http://tfl.nu/io2e
  Replies (3) Good night (1712) Bad night (483)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right http://tfl.nu/tpj0
  Replies (3) Good night (780) Bad night (646)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED. http://tfl.nu/purq
  Replies (4) Good night (1219) Bad night (748)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food. http://tfl.nu/oef6
  Replies (11) Good night (1104) Bad night (464)
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins. http://tfl.nu/4w92
  Replies (5) Good night (463) Bad night (884)

Randomize