i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
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you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
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I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!