very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
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Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
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One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...