theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
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It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
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I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test