Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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