wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i will never coherently bang her
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Randomize
