He felt like a one man threesome
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.