I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
