But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
